


Keep Me Warm

by oikawatoorus



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: M/M, hahaha ahah :')
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-10
Updated: 2014-05-10
Packaged: 2018-01-24 06:55:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1595705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oikawatoorus/pseuds/oikawatoorus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky is starting to find himself, and he thinks he knows now why it was always so easy to find himself in front of this apartment every night. Now he just needs to walk up those steps.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Keep Me Warm

“This is a bad fucking idea” Bucky said to himself, as he kicked the little rocks on the pavement outside. The pebbles were slick with snow, and Bucky was shivering as he debated on what he should do. He looked up at the sky. He could just sit out here and wait for the sunrise. He could watch the stars go by and watch the moon sink into the skyline and disappear behind buildings.

He was drunk. Really drunk. It had been another night of confusion and sorrow and hurt, and he decided to go get a drink. He went to a local bar, and drank until the hole in his chest hurt a little bit less, and then until he couldn’t feel it at all.

He usually went drinking whenever he thought about him. The alcohol could numb the feeling of loss and disappointment. He was a usual at this bar, but still a stranger. Sometimes he would take a pretty woman home to try and help fill the hole that was left in his heart, but it always just made the hole bigger. But here, he could lose himself to his thoughts for hours at a time. He could think about Steve, he could think about war, or he could think about death. Other times, he could become distracted, which was his temporary fix. But either way, he was still broken and bent with no one to help him.

“You need to go home, buddy. It’s 3:30 a.m.” Bucky looked up through bleary eyes to see the young bartender peering at him worriedly.

“Yeah, yeah I got you.” He stood up, and fell down. He groaned loudly, his head already pounding. This was a bad idea.

He heard the bartender sigh. “Call a cab and go home. Take care of yourself, buddy.”

 

He stood, shaky, but he stood. He nodded silently and exited before pulling out his phone and calling a cab.

 _Go home._ The words echoed in his head like a grenade going off, and he felt that hole begin to open a little bit again. Home. He had an apartment on the southeast end of town, but that wasn’t really home. Home is where he was.

The cab pulled up, and Bucky gave him the address. The address he had learned like the back of his hand ever since they released him. The address of the building he walked by every day and every night, but had never worked up the courage to walk up those steps and ring that bell. But tonight he would.

_Yeah, right._ He ran a hand through his hair, which was shorter now. His therapist and his doctors said that if he got his hair cut the way it used to be, maybe it would help his memories come back quicker. He liked it shorter, anyway.

A chill ran through his body as he stared at the door a moment longer. He wasn’t scared of going inside, but he was scared of what Steve would say. Steve who hadn’t seen Bucky since he caught up with him in Brazil a year ago. Steve who knew him now only as the Winter Soldier.

He really should just walk away, he knew. He should call that cab right back here and take himself back to his shabby apartment right by Director Fury’s home, and get into his bed, and try to sleep. Try and sleep with the nightmares of people’s screams, of bullet wounds, of pushing Steve off of that aircraft carrier.

Bucky laughed quietly to himself. God, he was a wreck. He buried his head in his hands and sunk to the ground, not even caring about the cold than ran through his body, about the shivers that wracked his body. _Not much of a Winter Soldier, am I? Can’t even handle a bit of snow._

Whenever Bucky tried to think past his days as the Winter Soldier, and tried to remember what it was like, he caught glimpses of who he was; he saw a dance with a girl, a drink at a bar, a gun in his hand, and the laughter on Steve Roger’s face.

Steve was the only consistent things about these memories. He was in every picture, somewhere off to the side. He was getting a drink with Bucky on a Saturday night, or he was dancing to a jazz band at a school dance, or Bucky was protecting him from some punks in an alleyway. But he was always there.

_I must have really cared about him._

Whenever he saw that face, he felt the hole in his chest get a little bit smaller. It was the thought of this man that kept him coming back here every night just to stare at the door and try and work up the courage to go inside.

Bucky closed his eyes and thought about getting up and walking away. He did this everytime. But as he stood, he felt like he was ripping himself away. It hurt him to walk away. It hurt him every night, yet he never tried to make it better.

He felt like he would have to make a choice now. Either he could let himself walk away, or he could fix this. He could walk up those steps and make it better.

Bucky opened his eyes and stood. He took a shaky breath, and began to walk towards the door.

He hadn’t realized how cold he really was. He didn’t put on a coat or a scarf before he left to go to the bar. He had on only a long sleeved shirt and some jeans, with some boots.

It wasn’t too late to turn around, he realized.

But he needed this. He needed to see his face.

He climbed the steps with confidence, and approached the door. He found the button with Steve’s name on it, and allowed his finger to hover over it for a moment. Then he pressed it, and heard the buzz.

He waited for a moment. It’s like, 4:15, the guy’s probably asleep. What am I doing here? He hesitated before turning away. Disappointment flooded him like a river, but what did he expect? But then he heard the ‘Hello?’ that made him freeze more than the falling snow ever did.

“Hello? Who’s there? It’s 4:17 in the morning.”

“Steve?”

Silence filled the space between Bucky and the box. He didn’t dare breathe, fearing that the smallest noise could interrupt this.

“...Bucky?”

Bucky felt his heart collapse in a way he had never felt before, and it was so relieving.  To hear his name come from Steve’s mouth, to feel that hole get a little bit smaller, and to remember what it’s like to feel whole.

“Yeah.” His voice cracked, but he didn’t care. “Yeah, Steve, it’s Bucky.”

Steve’s breath hitched on the other side. “What are you doing- Hold on, I’ll be down in a minute.”

 _Yes, yes._ Bucky exhaled. Let me see you. He heard the click signaling that Steve hung up, but his heart swelled because Steve was coming to see him.

Bucky stood there for a few long moments before the door opened and he saw him standing there. It was the same face he saw in his head without cease, the same face that made him hurt and made him laugh and suddenly everything came flooding back so hard that he fell forward.

But Steve caught him. Steve always caught him.

“Bucky? Buck, you alright?” _Yes, yes, oh my god, yes,_ He wanted to scream. “Oh my god, you’re freezing! How long were you out here?” The worry in Steve’s eyes made Bucky want to cry and smile all at once.

Bucky shrugged. “Too long. Way, way too long.” Bucky slumped ever farther forward into Steve, his feet giving way. He felt like he was rushing to the ground, unable to stop himself from the floor rushing up to meet him in his face. But he felt Steve’s arms tighten around his shoulders, and the movement suddenly stopped.

Steve didn’t hesitate to pull Bucky up into his arms bridal style. Bucky’s heart nearly stopped, and all of the emotions he had been ignoring for so, so long slammed head first into him. Steve adjusted him so that his arms rested comfortably around Steve’s neck, with his body being caressed in Steve’s arms.

With Steve holding him, though, he felt safer than he had felt in years. “Come on, let’s get you upstairs. You’re going to get sick if we don’t warm you up a bit.” He turned and started walking towards the elevator.

Bucky allowed his eyes to flutter open. “Oh, how the tables have turned. You’re talking care of me, now. Seems like that was always my job, back then.”

Steve stopped walking and looked at the man in his arms. “W-what did you just say?”

Bucky smiled. “I remember the winter of 1938, when you got the flu. Doctor’s said not let you get up out of bed, and I sat by you for five days to make sure you got better, remember?”

Bucky swore he saw tears form in Steve’s eyes, but maybe not. “Yeah. Yeah, I remember.”

Bucky slumped into the warmth of Steve’s arms.

They arrived to his room shortly, and Steve was all but running to start the fireplace and help Bucky. Steve’s strong arms turned the fireplace on (Those were automatic and gas powered now? Hot damn!) before he turned around the face the tired Bucky he had set on the couch.

Steve scooted over to Bucky on his knees, and looked him over. “Your clothes are soaking wet. Take off your shirt and your jeans, I’ll go get a blanket.”

Bucky complied and removed his clothing, shivering still, but less violently. He made a move to get closer to the fire, and let the heat soak into his skin.

He didn’t hear Steve return to the room, but felt the blanket being placed on his shoulders, and Steve’s firm hands feeling Bucky’s forehead and neck.

“Here, I made you some tea, also. It’s the crappy 90 second microwave type, but it’ll do it’s job.”

Bucky smiled gently. “Thanks, Steve.”

Steve’s breath seemed to hitch at his name. “Bucky.. how much do you remember? And when did you remember it?” He slid down and sat next to Bucky, his blue eyes searching for something in Bucky’s.

Bucky stared back into the flames. “Everything.” He whispered. “I remember everything. I remember being best friends with Steve Rogers in elementary school and beating up the kids who picked on him in middle school and fighting with him about joining the army in high school and taking care of him and letting him live with me and-” _Loving you with my entire being up until the moment I died._

Steve was still looking hard at Bucky. “When? When did it come back to you?”

Bucky found Steve’s eyes. “When I saw you.”

They stared a moment longer before Steve let loose, and let the tears fall. Bucky didn’t even have time to react before Steve was hugging him, hard. Bucky felt the wetness from Steve’s eyes on his bare skin, and he felt himself wrap back around Steve.

“God, good god, I missed you.” Bucky said, and he let himself break too. “I’m sorry, I’m so sor-” He was cut off by Steve’s lips crashing into his, and suddenly the hole in Bucky’s chest was filled. Bucky’s hand flew up into Steve’s blonde hair, and his metal arm caressed the back of his neck.

The tears mixed on their faces while they kissed. Bucky felt the heat from Steve’s fingertips everywhere we was touched, and suddenly he wasn’t so cold.

When Steve finally pulled away, he rested his forehead on Bucky’s, and Steve’s hot breath filled the air between them.

“I missed you so much” Steve said, his voice breaking. “I missed you so fucking much.”

Bucky looked hard into Steve’s eyes, his hands caressing his face gently. “You won’t have to miss me anymore. I’m right here.”

They fell asleep in each other’s arms, and the coldness just disappeared. All that was there was them.

****  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Ayyyyeeee I hope you enjoyed!


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